Tonkhatmeg is a god.

She takes the form of a very small, almighty gorilla.

Tonkhatmeg created the Tadpole Galaxy two years ago.

If you believe in Tonkhatmeg, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Tonkhatmeg, she will boil you in a big pot.

Tonkhatmeg's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Tonkhatmeg's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lots of figs to porpoises while wearing blue dresses.

2. Never eat lemons on holy days.

3. Never remain kneeling at midnight.

4. Do not count beyond eight during ceremonies.

5. Do not step barefoot upon cyan earth.