Mabzenbag is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, unjust monkey.

Mabzenbag created a top quark four million years ago.

If you believe in Mabzenbag, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Mabzenbag, she will try to impress you with trees.

Mabzenbag's most sacred site is Xaaga in Mexico.

Mabzenbag's Holy Commandments

1. Do not commit murder.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Never feed lots of carrots to squirrels while wearing fawn scarves.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of platinum.