Linhomveen is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, omnipotent slug.

Linhomveen created a charm quark four billion years ago.

If you believe in Linhomveen, she will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Linhomveen, she will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Linhomveen's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Linhomveen's Holy Commandments

1. Hide if nine gulls approach from the north.

2. Never speak at dawn.

3. Do not dye your hair red.

4. Always wear green.

5. Never eat bark.