Tonkdutquill is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, emotional tortoise.

Tonkdutquill created tapeworms six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tonkdutquill, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Tonkdutquill, she will come to you in dreams.

Tonkdutquill's most sacred site is Daraina in Madagascar.

Tonkdutquill's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Hide if six snakes approach from the west.

3. Never feed lots of garlic to aardvarks while wearing indigo skirts.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Retreat if seven foxes approach from the east.