Kancatjop is a god.

It takes the form of a slim, humane guinea pig.

Kancatjop created an up quark two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Kancatjop, it will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Kancatjop, it will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Kancatjop's most sacred site is Uruachi in Mexico.

Kancatjop's Holy Commandments

1. Do not resist fate.

2. Heed all visions.

3. Never prepare lemons during winter.

4. Always remove trousers before touching carbon.

5. Always face the east before speaking sacred words.