Gonarpomin is a god.

He takes the form of a small, unthoughtful penguin.

Gonarpomin created the planet Jupiter nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gonarpomin, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Gonarpomin, he will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Gonarpomin's most sacred site is Littoinen in Finland.

Gonarpomin's Holy Commandments

1. Always treat badgers with great respect.

2. Hide if four birds approach from the east.

3. Never think about the weak nuclear force near geese while wearing gray tights and balancing eight lead spheres on your feet.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Respect your elders.