Fitladstaf is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, humane dryad.

Fitladstaf created dark matter three billion years ago.

If you believe in Fitladstaf, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Fitladstaf, he will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Fitladstaf's most sacred site is Yongding in China.

Fitladstaf's Holy Commandments

1. Never allow birds to sleep beneath your roof.

2. Never stain your feet with purple.

3. Never eat aubergines on holy days.

4. Never eat cherries.

5. Do not contemplate thermodynamics during the night.