Dogbonkgeb is a god.

It takes the form of a very fat, unfair fish.

Dogbonkgeb created a bottom quark nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Dogbonkgeb, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Dogbonkgeb, it will make you grow a tail.

Dogbonkgeb's most sacred site is Mogonono in Botswana.

Dogbonkgeb's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about ultrasonics.

2. Dogbonkgeb loves capybaras, so they must be honoured.

3. Never chant near swans.

4. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

5. Never think about dwarf planets.