Looprutpig is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, all-powerful snake.

Looprutpig created the Andromeda Galaxy three billion years ago.

If you believe in Looprutpig, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Looprutpig, he will turn you into a plant.

Looprutpig's most sacred site is Altata in Mexico.

Looprutpig's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Never wear fawn trousers.

3. Do not shave your back.

4. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

5. Never talk about enzymes.