Tarvan is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, ill-tempered seal.

Tarvan created the planet Mars twelve years ago.

If you believe in Tarvan, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Tarvan, she will try to impress you with rainbows.

Tarvan's most sacred site is Askos in Greece.

Tarvan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate squirrels.

3. Always cleanse your hands after touching lead.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Draw representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling place.