Tonfenlik is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, amazing badger.

Tonfenlik created a Higgs boson seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Tonfenlik, it will not care.

If you do not believe in Tonfenlik, it will think nothing of it.

Tonfenlik's most sacred site is Zhelaizhai in China.

Tonfenlik's Holy Commandments

1. Never record names.

2. Never feed lots of limes to hamsters while wearing white stockings.

3. Never run near squirrels.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Never talk about dark matter.