Kamstipwikhug is a god.

It takes the form of a six hundred metre long, humorless gorilla.

Kamstipwikhug created vertebrates five billion years ago.

If you believe in Kamstipwikhug, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Kamstipwikhug, it will not invite you to parties.

Kamstipwikhug's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Kamstipwikhug's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Kamstipwikhug.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Never talk about planets.

4. Feed all hungry manatees.

5. Always help nematodes in need.