Bonkbissmit is a god.

It takes the form of a very long, caring newt.

Bonkbissmit created humankind four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bonkbissmit, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Bonkbissmit, it will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Bonkbissmit's most sacred site is Buskerud in Norway.

Bonkbissmit's Holy Commandments

1. Put Bonkbissmit first in all things.

2. Never tolerate laughter in holy places.

3. Run away from orange grasshopers, for they are unholy.

4. Never wear corsets.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.