Sagfenshav Appmotnig is a god.

She takes the form of a very long, generous coyote.

Sagfenshav Appmotnig created the world two million years ago.

If you believe in Sagfenshav Appmotnig, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Sagfenshav Appmotnig, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Sagfenshav Appmotnig's most sacred site is Alyki in Greece.

Sagfenshav Appmotnig's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Never hurt badgers.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Walk at least five thousand metres per day.

5. Retreat if seven moths approach from the east.