Janwatnig is a god.

She takes the form of a very small, stupid rhinoceros.

Janwatnig created a down quark three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Janwatnig, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Janwatnig, she will ignore you and hope you go away.

Janwatnig's most sacred site is Panormos in Greece.

Janwatnig's Holy Commandments

1. Always act with humility when addressing children.

2. Never remain kneeling at midnight.

3. Run away from blue seals, for they are unholy.

4. Learn nine new languages a year.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.