Gupflambem is a god.

He takes the form of a three thousand metre long, omniscient duck.

Gupflambem created matter seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Gupflambem, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Gupflambem, he will turn you into a hamster.

Gupflambem's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Gupflambem's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate tortoises.

2. Always remove jumpers before entering holy places.

3. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

4. Hide if four snails approach from the north.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.