Hugbetlapnan is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, uncaring spider.

Hugbetlapnan created the planet Mars nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hugbetlapnan, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Hugbetlapnan, he will destroy your home galaxy.

Hugbetlapnan's most sacred site is Saint-Sauvan in France.

Hugbetlapnan's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about asteroids.

2. Never feed oranges to dogs while wearing coats.

3. Hugbetlapnan loves bats, so they must be respected.

4. Paint representations of moons on the walls of your dwelling place.

5. Never handle titanium while unclean.