Batwanlun is a god.

It takes the form of a very thin, witty troll.

Batwanlun created carbon nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Batwanlun, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Batwanlun, it will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Batwanlun's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Batwanlun's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick bats.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. Hide if three mice approach from the east.

4. You must never eat nuts.

5. Run away if seven sharks approach from the south.