Yartyaraf Pigsitwiplap Padbugwodnill is a god.

He takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, competent hippopotamus.

Yartyaraf Pigsitwiplap Padbugwodnill created the cosmos seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Yartyaraf Pigsitwiplap Padbugwodnill, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Yartyaraf Pigsitwiplap Padbugwodnill, he will send two she bears to sort you out.

Yartyaraf Pigsitwiplap Padbugwodnill's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Yartyaraf Pigsitwiplap Padbugwodnill's Holy Commandments

1. Do not make images of living things.

2. Retreat if five dolphins approach from the south.

3. Erect a large carbon sculpture of Yartyaraf Pigsitwiplap Padbugwodnill on top of all buildings.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Do not take Yartyaraf Pigsitwiplap Padbugwodnill's name in vain.