Tifdotsandtonhomarmquartbarn is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely thin, unthoughtful dove.

Tifdotsandtonhomarmquartbarn created a down quark seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tifdotsandtonhomarmquartbarn, he will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Tifdotsandtonhomarmquartbarn, he will ignore you.

Tifdotsandtonhomarmquartbarn's most sacred site is Randers in Denmark.

Tifdotsandtonhomarmquartbarn's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if four mice approach from the south.

2. Do not eat cherries.

3. Tifdotsandtonhomarmquartbarn loves sheep, so they must be honoured.

4. Never wear black trousers.

5. Never talk about gravity near geese while wearing brown coats and balancing five lead spheres on your legs.