Kanquafnig is a god.

He takes the form of a very small, merciful bear.

Kanquafnig created a quark four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Kanquafnig, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Kanquafnig, he will ignore you and hope you go away.

Kanquafnig's most sacred site is Vestfold in Norway.

Kanquafnig's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Always help doves.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate tortoises.

4. Never talk about quantum mechanics near pigs while wearing black boots and balancing four lead spheres on your legs.

5. Do not wear orange clothing.