Badpitcan is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely fat, omniscient meerkat.

Badpitcan created dark matter six million years ago.

If you believe in Badpitcan, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Badpitcan, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Badpitcan's most sacred site is Troms in Norway.

Badpitcan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of titanium.

2. Never think about spacetime near bats while wearing purple shorts and balancing eight carbon spheres on your legs.

3. Never talk about dwarf planets.

4. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

5. Paint representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling place in indigo.