Bemtikgut is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, self-assured spider.

Bemtikgut created the Small Magellanic Cloud six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bemtikgut, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Bemtikgut, it will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Bemtikgut's most sacred site is Hobeck in Germany.

Bemtikgut's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from gray tortoises, for they are unholy.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Do not dye your hair turquoise.

4. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

5. Do not cook food in pots.