Yatcumrut is a god.

It takes the form of a gargantuan, humorless hippopotamus.

Yatcumrut created matter nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Yatcumrut, it will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Yatcumrut, it will ignore you and hope you go away.

Yatcumrut's most sacred site is Turckheim in France.

Yatcumrut's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about asteroids.

2. Never feed lemons to shrews while wearing brown shoes.

3. Erect a giant silicon sculpture of Yatcumrut in the centre of the settlement.

4. Never write about planets.

5. Do not stand on grass.