Nilbastdid Tifcabpop is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, fussy seal.

Nilbastdid Tifcabpop created the Sun three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Nilbastdid Tifcabpop, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Nilbastdid Tifcabpop, he will destroy your home solar system.

Nilbastdid Tifcabpop's most sacred site is Bertkow in Germany.

Nilbastdid Tifcabpop's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chop down trees.

2. Hide from violet sharks for they are unholy.

3. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

4. Do not trade with those who eat spinach.

5. Never talk about hamsters.