Jon is a god.

He takes the form of an one thousand metre long, compassionate gorilla.

Jon created the planet Jupiter nine million years ago.

If you believe in Jon, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Jon, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Jon's most sacred site is Amrit in Egypt.

Jon's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed cucumbers to goats while wearing jumpers.

2. Do not listen to music.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of zinc.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. You must love Jon.