Flaglabquart Vonkstraghimpak is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely small, fussy zebra.

Flaglabquart Vonkstraghimpak created a photon three billion years ago.

If you believe in Flaglabquart Vonkstraghimpak, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Flaglabquart Vonkstraghimpak, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Flaglabquart Vonkstraghimpak's most sacred site is Thimmanaickenpalayam in India.

Flaglabquart Vonkstraghimpak's Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Never eat green fruit.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Never write about ultrasonics.

5. Do not dye your hair magenta.