Afyakzakmum is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, grumpy shark.

Afyakzakmum created matter nine million years ago.

If you believe in Afyakzakmum, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Afyakzakmum, he will say rude things about you at parties.

Afyakzakmum's most sacred site is Snapp in Sweden.

Afyakzakmum's Holy Commandments

1. Do not keep seven sharks in a large pit.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Afyakzakmum.

3. Do not record names concerning nebulae.

4. Do not eat spinach.

5. Never hop in the presence of elders.