Sagfumvenjab is a god.

It takes the form of a rotund, benevolent capybara.

Sagfumvenjab created life four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Sagfumvenjab, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Sagfumvenjab, it will attempt to scare you with floods.

Sagfumvenjab's most sacred site is Chettipet in India.

Sagfumvenjab's Holy Commandments

1. Never speak the names of asteroids aloud.

2. Paint representations of moons on the walls of your dwelling place in turquoise.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Do not prepare apples while filled with envy.

5. Always wash your back before prayer.