Lopvinpid is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, proud crane.

Lopvinpid created an up quark two million years ago.

If you believe in Lopvinpid, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Lopvinpid, she will try to impress you with trees.

Lopvinpid's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Lopvinpid's Holy Commandments

1. Always help sick aardvarks.

2. Hide from magenta moths for they are unholy.

3. Erect a large tin sculpture of Lopvinpid on top of all buildings.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Never wear mauve jumpers.