Dutliplik Quagruttzod is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, dishonest dugong.

Dutliplik Quagruttzod created everything that exists five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Dutliplik Quagruttzod, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Dutliplik Quagruttzod, he will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Dutliplik Quagruttzod's most sacred site is Hej in Sweden.

Dutliplik Quagruttzod's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about chromosomes.

2. Never talk about solid mechanics near seals while wearing white ear rings.

3. Never cross crossroads at dusk.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Do not covet oxen.