Tomgudqueeg is a god.

She takes the form of a two thousand metre long, charitable cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Tomgudqueeg created parasitic wasps four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tomgudqueeg, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Tomgudqueeg, she will send you a sign.

Tomgudqueeg's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Tomgudqueeg's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink alcohol.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Never think about photosynthesis.

4. Aardvarks are not to be trusted.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.