Ortmangid is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, emotional salamander.

Ortmangid created humankind eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Ortmangid, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Ortmangid, he will turn you into a goat.

Ortmangid's most sacred site is Oppin in Germany.

Ortmangid's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never sit in holy places.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Do not speak about peas.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.