Fonxemgub is a god.

She takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, merciless dingo.

Fonxemgub created a top quark five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fonxemgub, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Fonxemgub, she will turn you into a dog.

Fonxemgub's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Fonxemgub's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Always treat doves with great respect.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Never feed lemons to dogs while wearing scarves.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate sheep.