Yartonstaf is a god.

It takes the form of a very thin, impressive whale.

Yartonstaf created Africa three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Yartonstaf, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Yartonstaf, it will turn you into a snail.

Yartonstaf's most sacred site is Makopong in Botswana.

Yartonstaf's Holy Commandments

1. Do not keep nine gulls in a large pit.

2. Never paint your neck red.

3. Hide from indigo manatees for they are unholy.

4. Do not wear rings marked with yellow.

5. Never play with disobedient children.