Lagxinpak is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, unthoughtful walrus.

Lagxinpak created a quark three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Lagxinpak, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Lagxinpak, she will refuse to believe in you.

Lagxinpak's most sacred site is Neravy in India.

Lagxinpak's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about gravity near doves while wearing yellow stockings and balancing three titanium spheres on your arms.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Do not speak about parsnips.

5. Always wear fawn.