Yarllapnutvan is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely large, dishonourable crane.

Yarllapnutvan created a charm quark two years ago.

If you believe in Yarllapnutvan, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Yarllapnutvan, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Yarllapnutvan's most sacred site is Kgope in Botswana.

Yarllapnutvan's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if nine aardvarks approach from the south.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

4. Walk at least three thousand metres per day.

5. Never write about thermodynamics.