Arfragjat Taplatshav is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely thin, self-confident cow.

Arfragjat Taplatshav created vertebrates nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Arfragjat Taplatshav, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Arfragjat Taplatshav, she will ignore you.

Arfragjat Taplatshav's most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Arfragjat Taplatshav's Holy Commandments

1. Never touch blood while clean.

2. Arfragjat Taplatshav loves dolphins, so they must be respected.

3. Always cleanse your hands after touching platinum.

4. Arfragjat Taplatshav loves seals, so they must be honoured.

5. Retreat if four ants approach from the north.