Gongomnak is a god.

She takes the form of a small, thoughtless coyote.

Gongomnak created the planet Saturn five million years ago.

If you believe in Gongomnak, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Gongomnak, she will turn you into a worm.

Gongomnak's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Gongomnak's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about galaxies.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Never feed lentils to swans while wearing indigo ear rings.

4. Always make sure there are no badgers in a room before entering it.

5. Run away from green porpoises, for they are unholy.