Tonlapvad Migzodbam is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, compassionate squirrel.

Tonlapvad Migzodbam created tapeworms eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tonlapvad Migzodbam, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Tonlapvad Migzodbam, it will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Tonlapvad Migzodbam's most sacred site is Valdena in Italy.

Tonlapvad Migzodbam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Never mention tapirs.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Never paint your back black.

5. Never talk about the weak nuclear force near mites while wearing gray dresses.