Parkjapgep is a god.

She takes the form of a very large, impressive fish.

Parkjapgep created a bottom quark seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Parkjapgep, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Parkjapgep, she will destroy your favourite star.

Parkjapgep's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Parkjapgep's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never hurt great tits.

3. Always make sure there are no seals in a room before entering it.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Do not shave your back.