Quafcetvag is a god.

She takes the form of a huge, charitable squid.

Quafcetvag created the planet Mars eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Quafcetvag, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Quafcetvag, she will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Quafcetvag's most sacred site is Bokaa in Botswana.

Quafcetvag's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Never think about archaea.

4. Never feed lots of coconuts to gulls while wearing fawn skirts.

5. Do not drink water in purple rooms.