Vilzenrul is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, sage rat.

Vilzenrul created tapeworms nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Vilzenrul, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Vilzenrul, she will turn you into a sparrow.

Vilzenrul's most sacred site is Metsimotlhabe in Botswana.

Vilzenrul's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never wear brown trousers.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Vilzenrul.

4. Do not speak about carrots.

5. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.