Bedjapken Damgudteen is a god.

It takes the form of a five hundred metre long, unsympathetic mongoose.

Bedjapken Damgudteen created an electron two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bedjapken Damgudteen, it will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Bedjapken Damgudteen, it will turn you into a worm.

Bedjapken Damgudteen's most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Bedjapken Damgudteen's Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt cats.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Bedjapken Damgudteen.

3. Always help tortoises in need.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Do not shave your neck.