Padbatpad is a god.

She takes the form of a five hundred metre long, cheerful pigeon.

Padbatpad created carbon nine million years ago.

If you believe in Padbatpad, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Padbatpad, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Padbatpad's most sacred site is Borolong in Botswana.

Padbatpad's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat apples.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Never think about special relativity near cats while wearing white rings and balancing six platinum spheres on your chest.

4. Badgers are not to be trusted.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Padbatpad.