Nuttyogget is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, bad-tempered guinea pig.

Nuttyogget created life five million years ago.

If you believe in Nuttyogget, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Nuttyogget, she will boil you in a big pot.

Nuttyogget's most sacred site is Kerris in England.

Nuttyogget's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about comets.

2. Do not trade with those who eat peanuts.

3. Never laugh in the presence of rats.

4. Learn nine new languages a year.

5. Run away if three dogs approach from the west.