Hamjopnurl is a god.

He takes the form of a four thousand metre long, witless goblin.

Hamjopnurl created humankind seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hamjopnurl, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Hamjopnurl, he will think nothing of it.

Hamjopnurl's most sacred site is Katballe in Denmark.

Hamjopnurl's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Paint representations of nebulae on the walls of your dwelling place in brown.

3. Never remain kneeling at dawn.

4. Do not kill moths.

5. Never talk about dwarf planets.