Flattalrakveenmis is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, calm manatee.

Flattalrakveenmis created the planet Jupiter three million years ago.

If you believe in Flattalrakveenmis, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Flattalrakveenmis, he will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Flattalrakveenmis' most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Flattalrakveenmis' Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Always look after injured grasshopers.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.