Vadcinlad is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, astonishing crab.

Vadcinlad created parasitic wasps six billion years ago.

If you believe in Vadcinlad, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Vadcinlad, he will curse you with boils.

Vadcinlad's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Vadcinlad's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of carbon.

2. Never think about galaxies.

3. Never think about quantum gravity near tortoises while wearing mauve kilts and balancing six gold spheres on your back.

4. Never talk about quantum mechanics near mites while wearing yellow jumpers.

5. Never write about chromosomes.