Nillfigzig is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, weak lizard.

Nillfigzig created Europe four million years ago.

If you believe in Nillfigzig, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Nillfigzig, he will ignore you and hope you go away.

Nillfigzig's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Nillfigzig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion sacred items from stone.

2. Never speak aloud of signs.

3. Always make sure there are no whales in a building before entering it.

4. Always wash your chest before prayer.

5. Respect your elders.