Tigbapgov is a god.

She takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, bad-tempered mole.

Tigbapgov created life five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tigbapgov, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Tigbapgov, she will turn you into a snail.

Tigbapgov's most sacred site is Ans in Denmark.

Tigbapgov's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear fawn.

2. Never discuss bacteria in public assemblies.

3. Never speak of fate in the presence of children.

4. Do not consume nuts at dawn.

5. Do not shave your face.