Fenmitnil is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, self-confident hippopotamus.

Fenmitnil created bats eight million years ago.

If you believe in Fenmitnil, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Fenmitnil, he will turn you into a rock.

Fenmitnil's most sacred site is Quenstedt in Germany.

Fenmitnil's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed bananas to tapirs while wearing shirts.

2. Run away from turquoise nematodes, for they are unholy.

3. You must pray to Fenmitnil seven times a day.

4. Always treat birds with great respect.

5. Never sing in holy places.